Writing a third intern diary is unusual, but what can I say—I’m PATTERN’s favorite super senior. In all seriousness, though, I didn’t know what I could write or add that my previous two intern diaries didn’t already discuss.
Let’s start with what went differently this spring. During my previous two internships, I focused almost entirely on photography. Photographing people for articles, creating and shooting editorials, event photography, portrait photography, etc. I was able to get my feet wet with writing this past fall, with a photography guide and a piece that is very close to my heart on ArtMix, an organization that provides opportunities for those with disabilities to learn and make art.
I knew if I came back this spring, something would be different. I got to create an editorial which will be published in volume 23 of our print magazine—make sure you come to our launch party to get a copy! That was very exciting for me, and I refused to admit to myself it was going to be printed for the longest time. I kept telling myself that it had the potential to go in print, but that there were other elements in play before it could be a reality. When I found out definitively that the images and graphic design were all done for it, I was so happy. I’ve been published on PATTERN Digital three previous times, but this is my first print publication. That is huge for me.
I also knew that I wanted to put more of my journalism skills to work, and PATTERN let me explore that more. I wrote three pieces in the span of one day, wrote and edited a story that was published that same day, went through more edits than I can count, and got to chat to so many inspiring and kind individuals—I loved it and am so grateful for that opportunity.
I also was challenged during this internship. I’ve always struggled with public speaking, but I was asked if I wanted to be a part of a group presentation to some Herron School of Art and Design students to spread the word about PATTERN. I prepared for a full week, and by the time the presentation came around, I only looked at my notes twice. I also was asked to do a photography demo for a group of Ball State students. I was given thirty minutes to prepare and, as such, didn’t have time to stress about it or get too in my head. Both experiences pushed me, but as someone who is considering teaching, it was very useful for me to be thrown into the deep end of it.
As I had my final intern review, I was asked what my biggest takeaway is from this experience. I gained more images for my portfolio than ever before, I have re-ignited my love of writing and perhaps most importantly, I’ve gained confidence in my skills. I am a very anxious person, and while my nerves don’t go away before a shoot or interview, I’ve found ways to manage that stress. And as more shoots and interviews happened, my confidence in my skills shot up. I still struggle with confidence, but I feel more prepared than ever before which I think goes hand in hand. I know if there’s an issue on set or at an interview, I can pivot. That used to be scary to me, as though it would be the end of the world if it didn’t all run smoothly, but I feel much more comfortable pivoting now than I did at the start of last summer.
So here we are, again, again and—you guessed it—again. What’s next for me? I know I will be freelancing for now in both photography and journalism, which is kind of daunting. I can’t afford to fail at this, as this is my living now and I have to make it work—but if I do fall flat on my face, I now have that skill of pivoting and the perseverance to get back up. I’d love to make my return one day in a PATTERN fellowship, but in the meantime I am looking forward to more photography and journalism gigs. If you would like to shoot together or are looking for a writer, please get in touch with me through the contact form on my website MikaelaHelane.com or email me directly at MikaelaHelane@gmail.com.
Until next time,
Mikaela
