Internship Diary: Falling Into a Pattern

Photography by Leo Soyfer

I sat behind my computer after reading my Pattern acceptance freaking out about how I was going to pull this off. I could think of a million reasons to back out: I’m not qualified, I’m not ready, I’m scared. The hard truth is that those reasons aren’t good enough to not take an opportunity. I wanted to start my journey into the creative field and I couldn’t keep putting it off because of fear, no matter how rational. However scared I might have been, Pattern opened a door I was ready to go through. I found friends through the other interns and mentors ready to help when I needed it. I spent my days not only working and collaborating but enjoying conversations about art, music, and culture. I found a professional ground with people my age and got to be a part of a dynamic, evolving environment.

I wanted to find a specific area to focus on, but had unlimited options in front of me. I want to be good at everything, but sometimes I forget to be great at anything. I could design, I could style, I could write. The opportunities at Pattern are truly endless. How could I ever pick? In the wise words of Polina, “You’re young. Worst case scenario, you change your mind.” I am excited to say that I’m diving deeper into graphic design and taking classes this summer. I want to make people smile through my artwork, maybe even some day see it in the street. I spent my time at Pattern doing social media content and organization. I learned a lot about Trello and Notion, and created a template that Pattern will continue to use after I’m gone. I got to work with Kelsey, the photography and videography intern. We made some great videos highlighting life in Indy for Perfect Fit. It was one of my favorite projects. Kelsey and I became great friends and went on to do a photoshoot together, The Darling and the Damned. Check it out on Pattern’s website when you can! The day before the photoshoot was unnerving, but it came together beautifully. I almost couldn’t believe I was a part of it.

I have been working through my doubts as I come to an end in my internship. I’m still not completely qualified, and definitely a little scared, but I am ready. I am ready to turn the page in my own magazine and see what’s to come. I am so grateful to have provided my services for this magazine, no matter how small they may be. Pattern deserves it. I have gotten to try so many different things that I am walking away knowing exactly what my next steps are. My path may not be laid out, but my intentions are clear. I want to take my time perfecting my skills, but I am not scared anymore. That is more than I could’ve asked for. I have found excitement through not knowing everything. It means I get to learn more. 

What an incredibly boring life it would be if I stopped here.

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