Internship Diary: When the Clock Strikes 6:45

Photography by Leo Soyfer

I’m Kelsey, the photography and videography intern at PATTERN Magazine in Spring of 2022. I hope you enjoy the time of day when it’s 6:45.

Chirp, chirp! Ring-a-ling! It’s 6:45 am. A Tuesday, or even Thursday. My Amazon Alexa is annoying the hell out of me again so I instinctively want to scream at her to shut up but right before I do, I stop myself. *deep breath* It’s 6:45 am. A Tuesday, or even Thursday!

On the glorious mornings of the only two days of the week that begin with a T, I wake and gaze through my white linen curtains. Sometimes the sun is shining, other days are quite dull. It doesn’t bother me much. Why? Because my conscience quickly reminds me that today I get to once again waddle into the PATTERN office (most likely at least 5 minutes late with a cold coffee in my hand). Today, I get to once again unveil more of who I am and who I am becoming as an artist, a story-teller. It’s 6:45 am. I am emerging from my bed, imagining the immense and diverse possibilities of the day in (or out!) of the office. Who will I have behind my camera today? Will I become anxious or nervous for any particular reason? Will I impress or disappoint myself today? Probably a bit of both. The beautiful irony of life and creation, as they say. (Wait, do they say that? And who are they anyway?!) Carry on, Kelsey.

Every day here is simply open. And when scrounging for an internship on the world wide web, openness is exactly what I craved– to be in an atmosphere of beings with both beautiful expertise and knowledge. With creatives alike who want to showcase individuality and freedom in any way they have the privilege to. Working for PATTERN seemed so ideal, almost to the point where it felt out of reach, far from where I am in my short lil’ 21 years of life. PATTERN was like an island I could see clearly with my pink binoculars while stranded in the middle of the Atlantic. PATTERN was a house I felt like could become home but how could I possibly arrive at the front door when there seemed to be miles of deep water ahead of my paddle? PATTERN, to me, existed as a workplace far from my wheelhouse of documentation. I needed tools. Or I needed to settle for a role that I felt more qualified for. More equipped. I needed to work somewhere less cool?! Simply said, my readiness level was NOT FULL PEOPLE! I consoled myself by asking a question, “When will your “readiness tank” ever be full?” 6:45? 

I applied and got an interview. I rambled a lot. (Are you surprised?) I think I may have mentioned my “life plans” for the next 10 years of my life while staring at the 5 boxes of humans on my laptop screen. The hysterical part of this was that these so-called “life plans” were not even photography or video related at all. Just my LIFE. Hello, red flag of an interview? Anyways, I think I may have blacked out during the entire meeting. I was incredibly nervous. I think I attempted a few nervous jokes at the beginning of the video call. Something about the audio of zoom being absolutely delayed and terrible, a joke of the ages, my darling. My interview started at 5:15 pm and probably lasted until about 6:45 pm. After the call ended, I did this weird lil prance around my room? Don’t ask because I don’t know either. My body sometimes just moves and then my brain happens to show up. The next few weeks the job ran through my hopeful mind like a burning vein. I’m talking… KEENLY refreshing my email in the middle of every class at least 34 times :-). THAT was the state I was in. Eventually, I anxiously emailed PATTERN and asked them about the position I so wanted to be my new avenue of passion. Shortly after, I received the key to the gate of that said avenue and confirmed my spring internship with PATTERN.

When someone takes one step in front of my camera, both the subject and I instantly become more courageous. I am responsible to capture their essence, whatever that may entail; I am in a position to document the person they are in a moment in time that will never happen again with me. As the birds and the trees, and even the breeze, are ever changing, so are we. It is vulnerable to be the bread of a camera sandwich. But, let me tell you, PATTERN served up the most jam-packed, ingredient-stacked, photography sandwich you could imagine. And it had my name on it. Layered with painters to politicians. Designers to drag queens. Writers to woodworkers. Estimated delivery: 6:45.

Lucky and grateful. I feel so lucky and grateful and I am not sure there is another way to describe it. (Mainly because if I try, I will transform into an overflowing fountain of bittersweet tears!) Anyways, to recognize we are living in a space in time where we are longing for reassurance, the freedom to exist as exactly who we are, the strength and honesty to show up with what we have engraved on our hearts. To be heard, seen. A space where we feel either misunderstood or read like a book. A space in time where creation provides a layer of overwhelming human understanding and empathy. A space in time that is timeless. As I have been with PATTERN, I have learned, as a story-teller, I am just invited to be capturing individuals just as they are. That invitation is so precious to me. Thanks to PATTERN, I was able to relish in many, many of these diverse, precious moments with individuals who inspire the world with their unique expression. Those encounters weren’t only with the ones whom we met through an Instagram DM or a model test shoot posting. But more so the individuals who sat around me during our team check-ins. The one’s whose existence holds a powerful and interesting addition to the identity of PATTERN magazine. The same people who saw a potential in me and then I had the meek honor to collaborate with, ideate with, and grow with. Those who became friends and confidants. Those who pop into a thrift store with you and intuitively pick out a perfect plum beaded dress that you didn’t even know you needed! (You know who you are ;-D). Those I could simply never forget.

So hi, you! Are you pondering whether you should apply to work at PATTERN or wondering if jumping into a new, mysterious and scary wave of unknown is worth it? Know this. Everything you could ever need is right here. Inside of you. As opposed to waiting for the perfect moment to open the gate to your dreams, begin to recognize the vast power and potential you hold just by existing as you.

It’s 6:45 pm. I am home. I have learned today. I have connected today. I have told a story. Goodnight, PATTERN, you are my beacon of potential and possibility. Oh and thanks for the giggles too… oh so so many giggles. Teehee.

XO forever, 

Kelsey

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