We as humans love to imagine what our futures will be like, and sometimes, we can get those ideas so far in our little noggins that we believe them to be fact. The truth is that the future most often never happens as we would like it to, but it’s funny how things always seem to end up working out, most times for the better. This is something I am constantly being reminded of.
I have always been a dreamer, always imagining where my life would take me and what I would be doing. I’m also prone to believing these dreams are fact and putting all my hope and eggs into one basket. Growing up throughout middle and high school, it felt like my dreams were constantly being crushed and I could never get my big break in the things I wanted to. Now, when I look back and see all those “no’s” and closed doors and times I was so frustrated that nothing seemed to be working out, I know they have only led me to the doors I was meant to go through. I have made it to a point in this maze we call life, and I am happy with where I am.
What did that sob story have to do with being an intern at PATTERN? Well, let me tell you. The first time I approached PATTERN was to interview for their Summer 2021 internship. I thought the interview went so well and that there was no way I wasn’t going to get the internship. Again, I had falsely believed the future I’d created in my head was fact. PATTERN ended up closing that door and I was left stressed, hurt, and confused. None of the things anyone wants to feel.
Fast forward a year later and I was given the opportunity to interview for PATTERN’s Summer 2022 internship. I was already stressed about other things in my personal life and did not feel my best going into the interview. I was scared that would mess me up and I wouldn’t be on my A-game. I was scared they would recognize me from last year. How embarrassing would it be that I was interviewing again? I was scared I would freeze up, the other people in my interview would be dressed so much cooler, or they wouldn’t find me qualified.
Long story short, I was nervous—but honestly not as nervous as last year, because this time, I was going in with no preconceived future. I knew if I didn’t get the internship again, I would be fine and would recover just like I had last time. If anything, I had an advantage over all the other interviewees because I knew what to expect. I had already done this before. To succeed in most things, one needs to have practice. In this case, I had my practice. It was time to succeed.
If you’re reading this, then (spoiler!) it’s obvious to see that I succeeded and finally gained the prestigious title of being a PATTERN intern. Did you know that Shakespeare tells the reader in the first act that Romeo and Juliet are going to take their lives? That’s because it’s not about the ending, but about the journey. Even though I achieved the ending that I wanted (being a PATTERN intern) I will never forget the journey that I took to get here.
Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. It’s hard to find joy in your suffering, but it gets easier the more you do it. So do it. Put yourself out there, get your heart broken, have doors closed in your face, and cry on the bathroom floor in suffering because the more you do it, the more familiar it becomes to you and the easier you can deal. You can’t choose what happens to you in this world, but you do choose how you react to it and what you do with it.
And here’s another fact: even though I pushed through and worked hard to get the internship that I wanted, it’s coming to an end. The road ahead holds much more suffering and closed doors, but I know they’re only going to lead me to the doors I’m meant to pass through, and those doors hold much more happiness and joy than any of the others.
A lot of people believe there are only two possible answers when you ask for something, “yes” or “no,” but there is a third: “not right now.” Why have everything now when you could enjoy it down the road at a time when it’s meant for you and you can truly enjoy it?
I would still have been happy to have interned with PATTERN during the summer of 2021, but that means I never would have experienced interning at PATTERN during the summer of 2022, and I wouldn’t trade this summer for anything.
My advice for anyone pursuing this internship is to understand that this internship is nothing without the other interns. You will work so closely with these people and grow professionally with these people, but I would encourage you to grow personally with them as well.
The work is not necessarily what kept me coming back every Tuesday and Thursday. It was everyone at the black table sitting in uncomfortable yellow chairs with me. It was everyone that thought we were so funny we made a whole inside joke note list. It was everyone that would text in the group chat complaining that there was no parking on Senate Ave. It was everyone I went on ice cream and Starbucks runs with. It was Mikaela, Emily, Micah, Cecil, Rosie, and Destany. It was them who made me want to come back, and it couldn’t have been last year—it had to be this year.
