Growing up, I didn’t come to Indianapolis often, though I lived just two hours south. Other than times I’d drive up to the occasional concert at the Old National Center, I was virtually a stranger to this city. When I moved here in 2018 for college, the thought of navigating the 465 gave my small-town soul heart palpitations. I had no concept of my surroundings outside of Butler University’s campus, which still felt intimidatingly large in comparison to my high school. My graduating class had been composed of only twenty-three people.
At first, I was guilty of boxing myself in. I became comfortable within the safety bubble that was Butler and the surrounding Broad Ripple area over the next year or two. I still didn’t come Downtown often, though I lived just ten minutes north.
That changed when I found out about PATTERN in my academic advisor’s office. We were talking about internships, and he asked me what kind of journalism I was interested in pursuing. I told him I had dreams of seeing my name on the pages of Cosmopolitan or Teen Vogue, where I’d be the first to know about beauty trends, dig my hands into mounds of PR packages overflowing with products, and hold the coveted title of “Beauty Editor.” He let me know that something similar existed right in the heart of downtown at an eclectic, neon-lit office on Meridian Street. At that moment, I felt the bubbling excitement of a dream opportunity I previously didn’t think I’d find in-state. It wasn’t a fashion or beauty magazine, but rather a nonprofit organization rooted in a sort of high-brow celebration of Indianapolis creativity.
Back in my hometown, I had felt silly for chasing a career that only seemed to exist in movies. Working at a fashion or beauty magazine seemed to be the career of choice for it-girl protagonists of the 2000s like Jenna in 13 Going on 30—but not for a real-life girl from Vincennes, Indiana. It didn’t feel realistic in any sense; it is an extremely competitive industry, and I was far removed from it. Knowing PATTERN existed here in Indiana, though, made it feel possible. I knew being a part of the team was a step in the right direction.
While PATTERN is notably not a fashion magazine, it does publish both a print and digital magazine, both of which contain fashion-oriented content (and yes, there is a difference!). Most importantly, it is an organization filled with individuals who value creative expression. I found myself in a room full of people passionate about uplifting art, music, and culture for the sake of expanding a community, not creating a scene rooted in exclusivity. This alleviated my fear of not being an industry insider—I wasn’t up to date on the latest fashion week, but neither was anyone else. Instead of being criticized for the gaps in my knowledge, I was given countless opportunities to learn about and explore Indy’s creative scene.
Building confidence and overcoming fear have been major themes of my experiences here. I am grateful for the push to exit my comfort zone and visit new places, meet new people, attend new events, and chase opportunities. In doing so, I’ve found that bits and pieces of that fabulous big-city lifestyle exist right here in Indiana if you look for them. They exist within big events like GangGang’s Butter Art Fair, and they exist in smaller spaces like Dear Mom, the most charming little indie shop on Tenth Street. I found them in spray-painted street art, booths at local maker markets, and in the PATTERN office on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
As I ready myself to pack up the contents* of my desk, I think of how the eighteen-year-old version of myself imagined her Indianapolis experience. I don’t think she could have guessed that she’d be directing fashion editorials shot by the same photographer who works with big names like Kat Von D. I doubt she expected to interview so many people in Indy’s creative scene. And I certainly don’t think she ever thought she’d wear the ‘Managing Editor’ hat at twenty-three.
Here I am, though, with three issues worth of print magazine creation under my belt, a year of digital magazine management experience, and a portfolio chock-full of stories and interviews. I have to say—I’m proud of me. For anyone who’s unaware, our team is small and consistency can be hard to come by when staff turnover is near-constant** and the office only operates two days per week. Fortunately, we’re mighty, determined, and know how to make shit happen.
This team has transformed Indianapolis from a city I once overlooked to a city I’ll always see as overflowing with creativity and culture. It has given me countless friendships, a resume resembling a CVS receipt, a new perspective on Indianapolis, and plenty of fodder for my Instagram feed. I am fortunate to have learned something from every person who has walked through our doors and endlessly grateful for the network I’ve woven within this space.
I can’t not say my thank-yous, so here I go:
- To Leo, Curren, Emily, and Taylor, thank you for making summer ‘21 so fun that I’m just now leaving this place.
- To this past year’s intern classes, thank you for overflowing this space with radiant creativity and also for letting me give you homework.
- To my past and present co-fellows and staff—even though I’ve never called you that before—thank you for making work a place that I want to be. I hope our group chat never dies.
- To Cory, especially—thanks for being the best co-editor a gal could hope for.
- To Polina and Jenny, thank you for believing in me, getting my feet in this door, and letting me stay as long as I have (and fielding my frantic Slack messages).
Before I accepted this fellowship, I wasn’t sold on staying in Indianapolis post-grad. I’m glad I did, though. My life is larger since PATTERN, and the experience has been priceless.
*Because my laptop houses everything of value to me, these contents consist of a pair of sunglasses, an amethyst, and a soap bar made to look like a stick of butter.
**Our team’s turnover rate is a side effect of being a part-time organization with internships lasting three months and fellowships lasting one year. That being said, I’m leaving an open spot. Want my job? You can apply here.
