There I sit, a past-tense version of myself circa five-ish months ago, staring at my blue-light lit screen, where glaring back at me in black, Neutra-text-bold font lies, “PATTERN internships. Click here, apply now!” It took a caffeine rush and moment of brief courage as I pushed the internal debate of whether my hopes of interning here were a long shot or not to the back burner, and went through with my application. I filled out the generic “about me” info, attached the link to my portfolio website, which full transparency seemed to lack any filler or content that proved I have experience and selected continue.
Next up on the website, it’s time to select your area of focus. Graphic Design. Photography. Styling. Creative writing. Social media marketing. Shit. Do I even fit in any of these descriptions? Oh well. I black out and select pretty much all of the above. If I give all of them a shot, one of these has to work out, right? In reality, I have maybe the least amount of qualifications to claim any roles listed but nevertheless, we push on.
Fast forward and summarizing a bunch, I set my interview date, meet the 3D versions of the faces I tried to memorize on PATTERN’s website, and step foot into the office space I didn’t know would be my future summer home. The interview went well, from what I remember (thank you to the various “how to nail an interview” podcasts from my drive home from school).
The first day of the internship rolls around, and I’m greeted with six other newbies, bright faces and eager eyes to start the summer. Just as I suspected, pretty much everyone has their set focus and knows exactly what they want and what they’re there for. I mirror their confidence with a masquerade as I bullshit my way through the statement “I am a styling and writing intern for PATTERN Magazine.” I pray that it doesn’t sound just as unbelievable as it feels to say. We break the ice and film a lighthearted, cheesy video, the first of many. The daunting day comes to an end, and it’s not so scary anymore besides one outstanding factor, what am I doing here?
A colossal mental block going into this internship for me was a lack of courage. Just taking on this role was an act outside of my comfort zone. I’ve never felt fully equipped and knowledgeable enough to deem myself as a stylist or writer, much less for a known fashion magazine. I wondered how I could step foot into the office, fearful that my true identity would peek its head and my inexperience would be exposed.
Life switches gear shifts to turbo mode, and I scramble to keep up. One second I’m sitting in front of the four PATTERN magazines picked out for us seven interns to kick off the summer, flipping through the pages for the first time. I blink and open my eyes to find my hands blindly typing away at my end of the internship diary. Writing and rewriting this article has me reminiscing on what I’ve done this summer. Though I could write on and on until I max out the word count, I’ll give a few of the highlights. In terms of styling, I worked with the fellow photography interns (who are oh so talented) and sister styling intern (my unplanned, outfit twinning partner in crime) on three amazing editorials, wrote two articles (third currently in progress, fourth and maybe fifth on the way), co-starred in many social media content videos with the other interns, and attended events I would have never known to exist without PATTERN. I met new people with friendly faces and took bits and pieces of each of them to build up who I am now. The summer is filled with creative freedom, and one of my most favorite experiences of all: the editorial photoshoots. I discovered my love for not only planning shoot concepts but seeing these brought to life and captured on film. Being on set and testing out new ways to get the winning picture, I see the visions come to life. My camera roll maxes out with snippets of photographic evidence of the hard work and play all jumbled into one.
Most surprising of all, I have unexpectedly gained six new inspirations, teammates, and creative-soul sharing best friends throughout this process. My summer at PATTERN would not be the same without these people. Going into this internship, I neglected the idea of how closely I would be working with the other interns, and I am oh so happy I did. I shared new experiences, ab-tightening laughs, and long-lasting memories that I will continue to rave about for the rest of my life. Not to mention the incredible mentors at PATTERN, and the speakers they’ve brought in. I’ve become the shadow to any employee here I could bug and learned so much about the different positions and roles it takes to create this organization. As someone who is clearly unsure of where she fits, it’s comforting to be welcomed with open arms, and given the space to try on different hats and find my name through others here.
I end this article and summer internship feeling seen, validated, and uplifted by PATTERN. I began, quite frankly feeling like I faked my way into interning for the local fashion magazine. Thank you to everyone here that saw me as a mess cloaked with a put-together look alike, and encouraged me through my path on self-discovery. It’s safe to say that the self-proclaimed title of stylist and writer finally fits, and is well earned.
xoxo,
Emily 🙂
(p.s. the bathroom lighting is unmatched for the endless mirror selfies you will inevitably take, it’s part of the internship requirements fine print)
