The other day, I was listening to Spotify, and “Nothing New” by Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers came on. One lyric stood out to me:
“How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22?”
This song is super sad otherwise, but this lyric stood out because one thing about me is that I like to think I know everything. However, the older I’ve gotten, the more I realize how much I don’t know. At first, I was discouraged by this, but I’ve quickly come to see it as an opportunity. How boring would it be to really know everything? How cool is it to be able to wake up and learn something new every day?
Clearly, I was not 18 at the time I started working at PATTERN, nor am I 22 now, but the sentiment is the same. So here are some stories about what I’ve learned as PATTERN’s Development Fellow, how I’ve grown, and a little bit about what I still don’t know.
Almost three years ago, when I was an undergraduate at the Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, I got an email from my advisor asking if I would be interested in a short-term internship running PATTERN’s End-of-Year fundraising campaign. It worked out perfectly for me because I was between internships and was interested in getting more involved with the arts and culture sector. I tend to be a believer in fate, and this felt like fate. I only expected to be at PATTERN for two months (which clearly and thankfully did not happen).
I remember before my first day, I was SO nervous. When I was offered the position, I asked Polina if I should wear business casual, and she said—and I quote—“Hell no. Wear something you’re comfortable in.” I had no idea what I was comfortable in; I was most comfortable matching the vibe of the situation. I pictured walking into a Devil Wears Prada-adjacent situation where this was a test to see if I was cool enough to work there. I looked on the intern Instagram for inspiration. Everyone was so cool.
I wondered how I—a philanthropic studies and biology major—could fit in with these super cool fashion people. I quickly came to realize that you don’t have to dress a certain way to fit in here. “Wear something you’re comfortable in” was not a test, just the truth. Also, the “cool, fashion people” that I spent hours picking out an outfit for, are in fact cool fashion people, but not in the intimidating way that I expected. This was an excellent reminder that my perceptions are often rooted in anxiety—which is something that PATTERN has helped me continually work on—and that amazing opportunities open up when you refuse to let fear run your life.
One of these opportunities was friendship (I know—cheesy!! Stay with me!!). I would have never expected that this organization would have introduced me to so many amazing, inspirational people and some of my best friends. One cool thing about PATTERN is that even though every intern and fellow did not become a lifelong bestie (and luckily some did), I know that there is a network of support out there in the world. I think about the people I’ve met through PATTERN all the time and deeply wish the best for them and want to do anything I can to support their success. And I know many would do the same for me. And for that, I am so thankful.
The other large thing that I thought I knew was (everything) about Indianapolis. I had lived in Indianapolis my whole life—grew up going to concerts, restaurants, and sporting events downtown. I loved the city, so I decided to stay here for college at IUPUI. I never thought I would learn how much more the city had to offer because I didn’t think it had anything I didn’t know about. Again, I was deeply wrong, and I’m so glad that I was.
When I started working with the team on Volume 20: The Music Issue, I was introduced to so many incredible local music artists, visual artists, and even venues I didn’t know about. This made me think about all of the other things I didn’t know about Indy. This is what PATTERN does. It highlights some of the people who are doing such incredible, impactful things around the city. Without PATTERN, I probably wouldn’t have ever gone to BUTTER, which was honestly one of my favorite Indianapolis events ever. If I didn’t work at PATTERN, I wouldn’t have been forced to go to CreativeMornings, which I now am a regular at and plan to continue to be. I wouldn’t have known about First Fridays and all of the galleries and shows to go to. I’m so thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to learn what I didn’t know about my city.
Of course, I also learned a lot of functional skills like grant writing (love you Anne!), formatting an Impact Report, using InDesign, and so much more. But, more than that, I learned how to learn things quickly. Like many small nonprofits, the PATTERN team wears many hats. And some days, we were all rapidly gaining hats. But this made me a more adaptable person, and I was able to try so many different things. Even some things that I would have never imagined. Like styling a photoshoot on the Circle during Indianapolis Fashion Week. Or assisting on a cover shoot. Or working with the fabulous design team, Blackline Studios, on remodeling an IndyGo bus into a Mobile Pop-Up Shop. Or writing articles about people I admire for the print magazine. Or literally 1,000 other things I’ve gotten to do while at PATTERN.
Overall, the most amazing thing about my time at PATTERN is the people I’ve gotten to know. I’ve met so many people with such incredible dreams and plans about how to make their communities better, more vibrant, more equitable places. And I know they’ll do it. Or they’re actively doing it. I’ve largely become inspired by their big dreams and actions, and it’s made me a better person. Kurt Vonnegut said, “I don’t know what it is about Hoosiers. But wherever you go there is always a Hoosier doing something very important there.” And I know the PATTERN people and community are already and will continue to be those Hoosiers doing very important, cool things. And I hope I’m one of those people, too.
