The years have turned into months, which will soon turn into weeks and then days before I graduate from college. It’s one of those scary exciting things that I just can’t believe will ever happen, let alone dare to think about what comes afterwards. For two decades, I’ve had a clear vision of what comes next, hopping from school to school: elementary, junior high, high school, and college. However, the end of my education is coming close and it feels like my future is hiding behind a big purple cloud of mystery. I have dreams and passions that I want to pursue, but I also have bills and loans to pay, and I worry that I won’t be able to do both.
If the stars aligned and I could spend the rest of my life doing whatever I wanted, I would spend every day reading and writing novels. However, there are a few reasons why it is not that simple. First, like any other creative profession, consuming and creating my medium costs money, and is most certainly not cheap. It costs big bucks to have a novel edited (like around $2,400 – $3,400) and if I publish it myself, I would also have to pay for the marketing and production of the novel or if I publish it through a publishing company, they would take those costs right out of my paycheck. Then, on top of all of those expenses, there is also the cost of living. I would need money for housing, food, and other essentials. The need for money is an inescapable roadblock that demands to be overcome before I could pursue my dreams.
So how would I make money? I would have to get a job or a side hustle. Yet, with a side hustle, I could run into the same financial situation as before with the cost of creation and marketing being too high. If I got a white-collar job, making over 40k a year with benefits like health and dental insurance, I would now run into a new obstacle. I wouldn’t have enough time or energy for my writing. In order to make that much money, I would need to be working from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. five out of seven days of the week. Writing, or any other creative medium for that matter, requires dedicated time and focus in order for it to have the best quality. If I had that much time cut out of my schedule, my production rate would be cut significantly, which is another financial hit for the creation process. Also, due to the demanding nature of the day-job, it is possible that I could lose the energy and interest in my passion, and risk being sucked into a dark void of passionlessness (which is the most depressing outcome possible).
See, this is where the worry sets in. If I want to pursue my dream of reading and writing, I will need some big bucks to fund it, but if I make a decent amount of money, my dreams could wither up and die in the process. It’s as if I’m stuck in an evil continuous chain of dollar bills which ends with me being screwed out of a dream.
Now, I know that sounds awfully cynical, but it’s just fear talking! When I become scared or unsure, it’s just like putting blinders on. The purple mysterious fog becomes thicker and I spin myself around in circles with worry. But when I take the time to take a deep breath and compose myself, the fog slowly fades and I begin to see all of my options.
If I would like to attempt a balance between time and money, a part-time job is always an option. While barely scraping by and playing into the English major barista stereotype is not ideal, it would offer me both the time to focus on my craft and the money to survive. It may also require me to live with my parents (Eep!), but it would give me the opportunity to build the foundation needed in order to pursue my dreams.
Also, who says that you can’t find your dreams and passions in a 9-5? There are jobs out there that involve reading and writing fiction—they’re just not as obvious as accounting majors becoming accountants or chemistry majors becoming chemists. There is a whole publishing industry and plenty of young writers who are looking for an education. Both industries involve lots of reading fiction and helping people pursue dreams similar to mine, which could be fulfilling in itself.
It is so easy to spiral when it comes to money, but I can’t let it distract me from the countless opportunities in the world of creative writing. With a clear mind and some strategy, I can take advantage of the flexibility within my future and play the game of capitalism in order to achieve my dreams.
Yes, there may be a mysterious purple cloud that surrounds my future, but I have a choice. I can either get lost in the unknown fog or I can embrace the adventure into the haze.
