Michael Kors does one thing very, very well: make money. The clothes shown in this morning’s spring/summer 2015 collection are exactly what is needed to make sure he continues to see his bank balance grow.

Celebrity designers like Kors are, to a large degree, in a precarious position in that they need  their clothes to be popular on the retail market in order to maintain their status. Stepping too far off trend, experimenting too far afield, presenting a collection that is in any way, shape, or form controversial, has an almost direct and immediate effect on their bottom line. Therefore, their only choice, if they’re as committed to profit as Kors is, is to play it safe, keep it pretty, and try to not do or say anything stupid. In that regard, this morning’s show was an absolute success.

Kors is working a theme of sun-kissed chic for this spring from a primary palette of white, navy, and yellow, with sprinklings of black, pink and khaki thrown in for good measure. Fabrics are primarily natural fibers, though there did seem to be a touch of nextgen textiles here and there. Long on comfort, fit and style, mostly solids with a few stripes and florals, this is a collection whose primary goal is to fill each and every closet with the Michael Kors label.

Innovation? You’ve got to be kidding. Everything here is as safe as a preschool nursery. Even the few pieces that pretend to be “edgy,” presented with no undergarments so as to emphasize their sheerness, are not genuinely out of line. Everyone knows to wear a slip or a cami under things like this. No nipples are actually going to show. This is a collection that has to sell well in Middle America because it does so poorly among the rich and affluent. Risks must be minimized.

About the only risk in this collection is with the huge, and by huge I’m talking four inches, cuffs on the jeans and pants. Of course, these aren’t real cuffs that one can roll back down in the event one doesn’t like their jeans hanging out mid-calf. Yet, they are real enough to catch lint, dust, grass clippings, pop corn from last night’s movie, the cereal that dropped from your bowl at breakfast, and the random children’s toy. So, just think of it as like having another set of pockets at the bottom of your leg. Oh, and this isn’t real denim. Kors uses the permanent press moderately stretchy fake stuff so that, even if one leaves them rumpled on the floor for three weeks after dumping them from the drier, they’ll still hold their crease and look good enough for lunch with your mom.

What Michael Kors does with this collection is everything necessary to insure retail success. The clothes are pretty. The clothes are wearable. The clothes are safe. Everyone will buy these clothes.

Unless, of course, one has any forward sense regarding fashion, in which cause you’ll run the opposite direction as quickly as possible.

Photo credit: Guillame Roujas

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